Struggle

I need to turn to God a lot more than I do.  Today I struggled twice with someone else's words, the second time was harder because those words hurt my child and that didn't sit well with me.  I walked away from that one, wanting so much to say something but knowing the problems that could ensue.  So now I just pray for peace and try to keep the peace.  The funny thing is that I am sure that the person doesn't know and would think they are right.  Time to move on!!!

The other person I just glared at for being thoughtless.  I guess if I could've said something in a nice way about remembering to watch what you say because you never know who is listening or how your words are perceived.  I talked that one over many times, maybe I should've worried that not only the people who I was talking to were listening to me rant but God was listening.  That caught up with me tonight, maybe why I just let the words that caused my daughter hurt to just be there without dealing with them.

I could go on and on and since I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog I'd be pretty safe.

Take  deep breath and pray - ask God for forgiveness.  Lift my face to the heavens and praise God - praise him for everything - good and bad and then thank him for all the same things.  I'm only human.  I run my mouth too much.  So I'll continue to pray that cooler heads prevail over my tongue.

I am so very thankful for one person who prayed with me tonight.  She is such a sweet person with such a sweet, loving Godly spirit and tonight she helped and encouraged me so much!!!

So I'll keep on trucking and singing praises and thanks to my wonderful God!!!!

Just me

If wishes came true

How do I pray for something that my heart wants?  How do I ask for something that seems so unnecessary but could enrich my life?

I don't want the perfect man or the perfect life or the perfect life. I want a life well-lived and well-loved.  I just listened to a song sung by Rory and Joey Feek - When I'm Gone- such a beautiful song, yet so incredibly sad.  It made me stop and wonder who will miss me when I'm gone?  I know my family will but will there ever be someone who loves me the way I wish I could be loved?  It makes me wonder do I deserve that love?

Sometimes I just wish - isn't that how it all starts by wishing?  I wish that in times when I am sad and my heart aches that there was someone to comfort me and hold me close and tell me things will be better, not that they'll be okay but just that they would be okay and that they would be there for me.

Sometimes I just wish that I had someone in my life just to go places with me, dinner, the movies, weddings, and even work functions.  A friend, that's all.  I want it all but I'll wish for simple.

Please don't think that my wishes or wants discount the family and friends I do have.  They are bright spots in my life and please know that this wish will ever mean more to me than my relationship with God.

Wouldn't it be awesome if someone who loved God loved me and wanted to grow that relationship with me and with God?  Oh the wishes...

Every day I wake up and I know I am blessed beyond measure - God is always with me I am NEVER truly alone and I never will be.

Please know that will all my heart I love and treasure the time I have with my daughter, I would never want to miss out on that.  I miss out on so much because I work two jobs and I worry that my beautiful, strong, funny daughter is alone way too much.  She'll tell you she isn't alone she has her dogs and cats.

I pray every day for my family and for my daughter.  I am so very thankful for the friends and family that I have may they all know how much I truly love them.

Just me

Time passages

I used to dream of being a writer - fun, witty and churning out books like it was a piece of cake.  I used to think I was a good writer.  Now a days I dream of writing books that will be somewhat inspirational and funny and life changing.  I guess when I grow up I want to go on tour with Women of Faith.  High and lofty expectations I think.  Now a days I just wish I could write a decent blog.  

Recently Morgan and I brought a sweet little kitten (okay make it crazed) into our lives named Star.  Oh the scars!!!!!!!  She runs around the house and jumps in the air as high as her little body will let her.  She can be sooo crazy, feisty and sweet.  She is a purring machine and it's sweet when she curls her little body up on one of my shoulders and just purrs away. 

Her actions remind me of my struggle with life someitmes.  Life can be so grand that I just purr, I mean ooze happiness and contentment especially when my walk brings me closer to God.  When I let my faith stand firm then I can weather anything!!!!  There are days and times when I stumble and my life takes on a crazed pattern, struggling to make it through the day - running here and there not knowing where to settle or who to turn to.  On those days I truly do stand with my head hanging down, sad and defeated.  Why?  I lost sight of where I am supposed to stand firm and strong in my faith,  Of course there will be days when I falter but I can always turn to God for my strength. 

The changes this year have wrought have been frustrating and full of struggle.  I still am not sure where I stand in this new journey and I struggle with how I should be.  Am I a good enough mom, am I a strong enough Christian?  Can I be all that God wants and needs me to be.